How to Deal with Teen Defiance?

You’ve tried everything. You don’t know where to turn, but you are terrified about where your teen is headed with their open defiance × Defiance
/de·fi·ance/ n.Noun Defiance is defined as an open resistance or bold disobedience.  Defiance is a common act among young teens and children.  Defiance can come in many different forms and different levels. An act of defiance doesn’t always mean that there are bigger problems at hands but it is important to pay attention if defiance becomes a big part in a teens behavior.  Defiance can be the cause of many different things often times small but sometimes the problem may be much larger.  Defiant behavior come from problems such as a predisposition or disorder in the brain to a problem of substance abuse.  Smaller acts of defiance can just be the cause of lack of sleep or food or also from problems such as bullying. Defiance can be a good indicator of a more serious problem in a teens life.  It is important to ask questions when signs of defiance are used frequently.
, bad behavior and poor decision making. As a parent, you care about your child and only want the best for them—but you are at your wit’s end and you feel overwhelmed. Your teen might be screaming or completely ignoring you. They might sneak out and flat-out refuse to complete school assignments or show up for important family events. You are sure they are having sex and you are worried they might be experimenting with drugs or alcohol × Alcohol
al·co·hol n.noun a colorless volatile flammable liquid that is the intoxicating constituent of wine, beer, spirits, and other drinks, and is also used as an industrial solvent and as fuel. When ingested, alcohol can be a deadly intoxicant. Teens and adults alike are more prone to make fateful and negative choices while drinking alcohol. A deadly intoxicant, alcohol has destroyed and ripped apart the lives of millions and yet, remains to be the drug of choice of troubled teens nationwide. Teenage minds are not yet able to fully appreciate the dangers that coincide with drinking. When drunk, teenagers commit and act out heinous activities which they would normally never commit or act out. Teenage pregnancy, driving under the influence, fighting and other consequences are more likely to occur while teens drink. Parents of teenage boys or girls who drink occasionally or struggle with the addiction of alcohol, need to seek immediate treatment for their son or daughter.
. How can you make it stop?

Start with You

You are probably asking “How do you deal with a defiant teenager?” As the parent of a difficult teen, you face a tough road. The only person you can really control is yourself—which makes it better to start with you. This doesn’t mean you should give up on your teen (quite the opposite), but it does mean you might benefit from some therapy × Therapy
n.noun ther·a·py Therapy is a treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder or disease. Therapy generally consists of two kinds: medical and psychotherapy. Medical therapies treat diseases of the human body such as cancer. Psychotherapies treat the mind of therapeutically or emotionally damaged individuals. Different Types of Psychotherapy: – Psychoanalytic Therapy – Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy – Group Therapy – Behavior modification – Biofeedback – Collaborative therapy – Family therapy – Marriage counseling – Music therapy – Parent management training – Relationship counseling – Social Therapy – Systemic therapy – Therapeutic community – Twelve-step programs – Wilderness therapy Therapy for troubled teens has become an increasingly popular opportunity for troubled adolescents today. Therapies are offered at many services for troubled teens such as, wilderness therapy programs, residential treatment programs and boarding schools for troubled youth. The most effective type of therapy greatly depends on the individual teen and what psychological and emotional issues the particular adolescent struggles with.
or counseling × Counseling
coun·sel·ing The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines counseling as the provision of assistance and guidance in resolving personal, social, or psychological problems and difficulties, especially by a professional. Counseling can come in many different forms. These forms include, but are not limited to, child development, eating disorder, substance abuse, rehabilitation, mental health and educational counseling. The type of counseling needed for an individual depends on the type of issues or problems he/she happens to be facing. Counseling Troubled Youth Counseling offers hope to all kinds of troubled youth. Teens who struggle with personality disorders, emotional trauma, psychological disorders and/or learning disabilities, are all great candidates for counseling. These types of teens are often times, in desperate need for some type of counseling, and if some form of counseling is not achieved, are at high risk of fateful, dire consequences. These consequences may include drug addiction, imprisonment, or in some cases, even death.
to help you find the best approaches to any given situation.

You may find out that there are ways to connect and get a deeper understanding of what is going on. There might be larger dynamics in play that are causing your teen to act out.

Working on your own approach and perspective probably won’t be enough to stop your teen’s rebellious activity and defiant attitudes, but it may help you clear your mind and get a better handle on your own feelings. You are going to need support × Support
Support / sup·port/ n. Noun Support is defined as the act or instance of supporting; serve as a foundation for something else. Support can be given to many different ways. Through the encouragement to perform and progress and also through being there for someone who needs help. Support is usually shown through family and peers but can come from anywhere from support centers, rehab centers, and treatment centers. Without a support, confidence would be very difficult to find. Support is key to getting through trials and problems. The ability to have someone that is supporting you and encouraging you to move forward and progress is important to growth and change. Especially with youth, that as they are trying to find out who they are that they feel supported in all of their doings. This is important because as support and encouragement is shown the youth feel confident to become the best they can be.
to make the right decisions for your teen and your family. Talking to a professional will help you hash through your feelings in a safe space and consider a variety of options moving forward.

Frequently Asked Questions from Parents with Difficult Teens

Not all teens face the same issues and some are much more difficult than others. Here are a lot of the questions we hear consistently from parents that are dealing with behavioral problems from their teens.

How do you discipline a defiant teenager?

This isn’t an easy road, but you are going to have to become detached from the outcome and focus on fixing the relationship. Too many parents start trying to bribe or crack down on their kids. Teens aren’t going to change with bribes and they can find ways around most discipline × Discipline
n.noun dis·ci·pline Discipline is one’s ability to do the right thing, regardless of how they feel. Discipline is one of the most difficult things for a person to develop as it takes hard work, dedication, and can take years to achieve. Those who develop strong discipline tend to be more successful and happier than those who do not develop strong discipline. Troubled teens are notorious for their lack of discipline. In fact, their lack of discipline is likely the root cause of almost all of their issues. Furthermore, if troubled teens develop discipline, they will be able to overcome their shortcomings and change their live for the better. Parents of troubled teens who are in desperate need of discipline have many options to choose from. These options include, therapeutic boarding schools for troubled teens, group homes, residential treatment centers and even boot camps for troubled teens. However, boot camps are considered ineffective and a “quick fix” that yields no long lasting changes.
. The goal is to provide stability and structure, facilitated by unconditional love and acceptance.

Why is my teenager so angry?

There are so many things impacting teens. From hormonal changes to difficult peer groups or even trauma, you may not realize the underlying cause of your teen’s rage. If you are afraid of your teen, it’s more than time to see outside help. If you are trying to work through anger issues × Anger issues
Anger issues / an·ger/ / is·sue/ Anger issues can be classified as either a personal problem or also an emotional disorder through a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. Anger can be the cause of many different situations and events. Feeling anger is a normal emotion that people feel in many ways. However, there comes a point where the feeling of anger in a person can become a problem. When anger becomes uncontrollable or is very frequent, it can cause different problems. In the process of trying to correct anger disorders, a person can become involved in other problems as well. Problems such as eating disorders, depression, and risky behavior like refusing to go to school, becoming isolated, harming others or even substance abuse. These things may seem to remove focus from the anger issues but are greater issues in themselves. It is important that as you discover signs of anger issues that you find the right help immediately through the help of counseling, therapy, or other related treatment programs.
, the place to start is by uncovering the root of issue. Counseling is often important because teens rarely understand their feelings of rage completely and complicate that by trying to keep things under wraps. It’s easier to be angry than vulnerable and we usually learn that from a very young age.

How do I deal with my stubborn teenage daughter?

Chances are, you are losing your own self-control as you try to work through difficult situations with your stubborn daughter. Maybe you are afraid she will make the same mistakes as you. Maybe you can’t understand why she isn’t more like you. Sometimes you can get into a power struggle and your teen will see they can knock you off balance to widen the gap and get what they want. You are going to have to be calm and patient, no matter how difficult your teenage daughter is being or what kind of negative behavior she tries.

What should I do if my defiant teenage son won’t follow rules?

If your teen is choosing to skirt the rules and avoid responsible behavior, it might be to test your limits. Your son may have lost respect for you because you were inconsistent or even hurt him in some way. It’s possible he’s just decided you aren’t “cool.” Whatever happened, if he feels free to talk back and ignore rules, you are facing a problem. You probably notice that your teen does respect certain peers × Peers
Peers /peer/ Peers are the people of which a person associates. Peers have a strong influence on person’s thoughts, actions, and will also play a key part in how a person develops and will determine who a person will become. Peers always have an influence but occur especially in a person’s youth. Parents should make it a priority to inform children of how important their peer group is on them. Discussions about this topic can help to prevent children from choosing friends that could lead them down dangerous paths. Peers who involve themselves in negative behaviors will begin to oppose school and parents and can also influence others in the peer group to do the same. It is important to support the finding of positively influential peers for children. However, peers can also help uplift others to strive to become better and want success. Those are the peers you should surround yourself with and also your children.
or authority figures—and these are the voices he listens to. You will have to discover what is causing the lack of respect and resolve the situation to become that influence in his life again.

Is defiant behavior in teens just a phase?

So many parents aren’t sure if teen defiance is normal or not. There is a clear line and you will know when your teen is crossing it. It is more than just a bad day or a bad attitude. Rather than write it off as a tough phase, you need to take defiant teen behavior seriously when it crosses that line. Disrespect, anger, aggression—there are a lot of ways you may experience defiance in your teen.

If you are asking these questions, then you might feel like you have no recourse. Teens are trying to become more independent and sometimes that route takes a very difficult path. It is going to take some serious work to restore the broken relationship and rebuild the trust you’ve lost with your teen. The sooner you act, the fewer bridges burned and feelings hurt.

Consider Your Options

You do have options. If you feel like your teen’s behavior is starting to be more than you know how to handle, it may be time to try more intensive approaches. Attempting discipline and lockdowns yourself may only worsen the gaps. When a professional therapist and behavioral staff get involved, your teen might start to see the bigger picture or get medical help for a defiant disorder.

There are serious consequences × Consequences
n. noun con·se·quences The Merriam- Webster dictionary provides the following definitions for consequences: 1.the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier: The accident was the consequence of reckless driving. 2.an act or instance of following something as an effect, result, or outcome. Consequences is a prevalent issue in the life of a troubled teen. Troubled adolescents who suffer from negative consequences, do so because of their poor decision making. Whatever choice a teenage boy or girl decides to make, a consequence of that decision will soon follow. If a teen chooses to make productive choices in life, he/she will reap the benefits of positive consequences. However, if a teen makes poor choices such as, abuse drugs and alcohol, skipping class, hanging out with the wrong crowd or disobeying parents and authority, that teen will reap negative consequences. Negative consequences such as, legal troubles, being grounded from parents, or getting kicked out of school due to inactivity or rebelliousness, are all viable and likely negative consequences a teen will experience if he or she is making poor choices.
for defiance. Your teen may get into trouble with teachers, coaches or even the law. You may be facing treatment centers or lockdown facilities that aren’t an option if you wait too long to act. Looking at your options now will help you choose the therapeutic programs that best fit your teen’s current situation and level of needs. For defiant teens that need full time help, a residential treatment center might be the right path. You may choose to just take your teen out of the current environment × Environment
n.noun en·vi·ron·ment The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines environment as the surroundings or conditions in which a person, animal, or plant lives or operates. A person’s environment, or social surroundings, have an enormous impact on the way that person thinks and operates. If a person is surrounded by negativity, he/she is more likely to replicate that negativity and display negative behaviors in other areas of life. The environment of a troubled teen can often be the root cause or factor in the troubled adolescent’s negative behavior. When an impressionable teenage boy or girl is surrounded by negative peers, it is common for these teens to develop negative behaviors themselves. It is for this reason that parents should be aware of their child’s social surroundings and environmental influences. If a teenage boy or girl is troubled, a total change in their environment may be in order. By replacing a troubled teen’s negative environment with that of a therapeutic, nurturing and rehabilitative environment, troubled adolescents are able to emotional, therapeutic and behavioral restoration.
and start fresh with a boarding school experience.

If you need help considering your options and finding the right help for your defiant teen, we can help. Zion Educational Systems has been helping families for over a decade by focusing on the treatment of difficult teens. Speak to a counselor today at 1-866-471-8579